Welcome To The Kandid Shop!!

Is Communication Really The Most Important Thing?

In this episode, we delve into the essential topic of communication and explore its significance in relationships.
I had the privilege of being joined by Dr. Heather Browne, a renowned psychotherapist, and coach who specializes in compassionate commu...

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In this episode, we delve into the essential topic of communication and explore its significance in relationships.

I had the privilege of being joined by Dr. Heather Browne, a renowned psychotherapist, and coach who specializes in compassionate communication. 


Key Takeaways

  • Connection is more important than mere communication in building meaningful relationships.The importance of offering compassion and empathy to others, regardless of their thoughts or feelings.
  • Understanding and acknowledging the reality of the person we're communicating with can significantly improve our conversations.
  • Effective communication should start with the understanding that the other person is essential and their feelings should be heard and honored.
  • The relationship is always more important than the issue.
  • The importance of self-reflection and the role of our thoughts and feelings in shaping our experiences. 
  • Conversations should be well-prepared with a positive outcome in mind and the other person should feel heard and appreciated.
  • Making the conversation appealing to the other person is essential for productive communication.
  • The timing and outcome of a conversation are crucial and attacking, judging, or lecturing should be avoided.

Embracing experiences, sharing and spreading love, rather than striving for perfection and indulging in self-criticism, is crucial in fostering loving relationships and productive conversations. By infusing love and positivity into our interactions, we can strengthen our connections and cultivate a more understanding and compassionate community.


Guest contact info

Dr. Heather Browne






About Dr. Heather Browne

Dr. Heather Browne is a seasoned psychotherapist and mother with 25 years of experience. She is known as the "reframe queen" for her ability to help clients change their perspectives and tackle challenging situations. Her specialities include couples communication, grief and loss, spirituality, and life transformation. Dr. Browne uses humor, storytelling, and other techniques to connect with clients and foster growth. She has been published in various magazines and was selected as a relationship expert for a television series.

She also has an active online presence through her YouTube channel where she supports her community. Her ultimate goal is to help clients tap into their true selves, inner wisdom, and purpose.


Intro Music: "welcome To The Kandid Shop" by: Anthony Nelson aka BUSS




Kandidly Kristin


Is Communication The Most Important Thing- A Kandid Chat With The _Re-Frame Queen_ Dr Heather Browne

Kandidly Kristin:Holla Podcast family. It is your girl, Kandidly Kristin, and this is The Kandid Shop, your number-one destination for candid conversations. So I am super duper excited today to be having a candid chat about compassionate communication with psychotherapist and coach Dr Heather Brown, who is affectionately called the Reframe queen.

Welcome, welcome, welcome, Dr. Heather to the Candid Shop.

Dr. Heather Browne:Oh, I am delighted to be here. Thank you so much. 

Kandidly Kristin:You're so welcome. So listen, Dr Heather. Communication is talked about so much as one of the most important pieces of any relationship, personal, family, or professional. It's almost become a catchphrase or a platitude. People say it so much. Communication is the most important thing. So why then are we so damn bad at communicating? 

Dr. Heather Browne:You wanna hear it? Cuz I've got the answer out. 

Kandidly Kristin:I need to hear it. 

Dr. Heather Browne:Because communication isn't the most important thing. 

Kandidly Kristin:Oh, 

Dr. Heather Browne:connection is the most important thing. So I always say start with connection and then step into communication because that changes everything.

Kandidly Kristin:Got it. We gonna expand on that in a little bit, but first I just want you to share how you came to your epiphany about communication. What was your journey to where you are now when it comes to communication? 

Dr. Heather Browne:In a nutshell, I grew up with a mom who was a paranoid schizophrenic. And so her reality was not mine. And we had many times when she was in a place where she was fearful, she was anxious, she was scared, and there was nothing in my reality that warranted that. But telling her that did no good. And so there was a moment where she thought the helicopters flying over the house were coming to get her.

I was 12, and I thought, what can I do? And my dad telling her, you know, Jenny, you're crazy, they're not gonna get you; wasn't helping. 

Kandidly Kristin:Right? 

Dr. Heather Browne:So I thought, what does she need? And she just needed to feel safe. So, I threw a blanket over her head, okay. And I said, mom, they're not gonna get you. And when she crawled out, she looked at me and her face said, you believed me. I believe she believed I believed her and that was the key. So I realized, okay, so it's not even so much the thought. It's not even so much the belief. It's not even necessarily completely the feeling. It's really, do I try? Do I connect? do I offer compassion Regardless of what you think or what you feel? And when we do that, we don't stand against someone

Kandidly Kristin:right? 

Dr. Heather Browne:We might not necessarily stand completely with them, we're not against them, and our world doesn't do that. We're against everybody. If you don't do it my way, you're wrong. And we're not getting very far with that idea. 

Kandidly Kristin:No, we're not. So when you say no one has the same reality, it is that notion of maybe not so much stepping into their reality, but at least acknowledging that it is their reality. 

Dr. Heather Browne:Right, and truly no one has the same reality, because no one has lived my life. No one knows how I think. No one knows how I feel. And our insatiable desire to understand others; it'd be really helpful if we put a little caveat on that of I'm never going to really, but I want to try to understand what it means for you. Because even if I try to understand your experience. It's my perception of how you have experienced it and so we can't ever quite get there. 

Kandidly Kristin:So we're not communicating, at least not effectively. 

Dr. Heather Browne:I don't think so. 

Kandidly Kristin:Yeah, I agree. So I was poking around your website, which I love by the way. 

Dr. Heather Browne:Oh, thank you. 

Kandidly Kristin:You have the nicest smile and I came across this statement. "There is no stuck. We just see it that way. Changing our perspective changes our experiences". Break down how that statement; what you said there, intersects with effective communication. 

Dr. Heather Browne:Well, you only are what you say you are. So if I say I'm stuck, that means I'm not gonna come up with a solution. I'm not gonna come up with an answer. I just don't find that helpful to me. Now, I might say I don't have the answer yet, I need to do more exploration, and I'm not quite sure which way to go. But if I announce I'm stuck, that means I'm done. And who's gonna unstuck me if it's not me? 

Kandidly Kristin:Right? Right. 

Dr. Heather Browne:So we disempower ourselves in a place where we really need to say, I'm not able to figure this out. So what should I read? Who should I talk to? Do I pray? Like, what do I do to move into a different place? We think that somebody else is gonna have the answer for us. And so we're continually looking for validation, social media in particular; looking for validation from others to believe we're okay.

But here's the place of really going within and saying, well, what do I think? What do I feel? What's aligned with my purpose? 

Kandidly Kristin:Right. Okay. So in that way, you, and I are doing air quotes, and reframing. 

Dr. Heather Browne:Yes. 

Kandidly Kristin:Okay. 

Dr. Heather Browne:And I reframe so much of the time. My viewpoint is every thought that I have can either help me or hurt me. And so my viewpoint is, well, then I wanna use my thoughts to help me, and I listen to my feelings to see how am I feeling. Oh, this doesn't feel good. Okay, then what's a little bit of a better thought? I did a TikTok that people liked, and what I said is " A yes is also a no". And people are like, wait, what? if I'm saying yes to you, yes, I'll be on your podcast. I'd love to this morning. That also means no, I'm not gonna get to the yard work during this hour. So it's always both. And if you realize, any decision you make is truly a decision, either one way or the other.

Everything is either towards something or away from something. Okay? And so when you give yourself that freedom, you then go back to the place that you get to choose. Do I want to stay here? Does this thought serve me? Is this thought blessing me? Someone shoots in front of me on the freeway and I think you know, you freaking idiot. I'm gonna ask myself, is this a thought that serves me? Do I wanna keep having this thought? No. So then what's another thought? Thank God I had enough room. So glad I'm not in a rush. We don't realize the power of our thoughts, and when you start to get good at cleaning through them, you'll let go of things fast.

I'll start to say something like, you know, that was rude, and I'll stop myself and I'll say like, that's not necessary to say, right? And then I just won't say it.

Kandidly Kristin:Right. 

Dr. Heather Browne:Not that I am stunting myself from sharing my feelings, but if it's not gonna benefit somebody, what's the point of me just sharing?

Kandidly Kristin:Putting it out there...

Dr. Heather Browne:right, right. You know, it's just ugly or hurtful. There's plenty of that out there. I don't need to add to that. 

Kandidly Kristin:Exactly. Thank you for that. So let's circle back to connection because that was not the answer number one that I was expecting from you. And so I want to expand that for myself and my listeners because as much as I talk, I do a podcast. I'm talking, talking, talking. I don't know if I effectively communicate, you know, in my day-to-day conversations or communication with people. So I'd like for you to just expand that the connection is the most important piece. 

Dr. Heather Browne:Well, because if someone feels connected with you, then you feel like you're working in the same direction. You, you feel a little safer. And so you're gonna have a different conversation if you start that way. If I say, Hey, I need to talk to you about something and you don't feel connected with me, you're gonna be a little guarded. You're gonna be a little uncertain you might be a little fearful, you might be worried, I'm gonna judge you. Okay. But if I say, you know, you're really important to me and there's something that I wanna talk about because I don't want it to be a challenge for us. Can we figure this out? You're probably gonna say, yeah, now we're connected.

What I tell my clients is "the relationship is always more important than any issue". 

Kandidly Kristin:Oh, yes, yes. 

Dr. Heather Browne:And so when you remember that, then you can go into a conversation starting with that truth. You are really important to me. We're gonna figure this out, might take us a while, and the best way to find out how connected you are is simply to ask, how are you feeling in this conversation right now? Do you feel like I'm listening to you? Am I honoring you? Are you feeling heard? And then let there be a little bit of space for silence. Because there's a place in a relationship where if I can just be with you and you can feel safe just in my presence.

Kandidly Kristin:Right. 

Dr. Heather Browne:We're already far, far down the road, and so how you step into a conversation is important and people don't realize that. They just open up the door and say, I hate it when you do this and the person's taken off guard. I had a realization in a session where a guy had been thinking about something for about a week and sprung it on his wife. She'd never thought about it, and she was florid didn't know what to say, wasn't very helpful. And he was frustrated because it was a really big conversation. I said to him, you've processed it, for a week, you came to her with a week of processing, threw it in her face, and expected her to respond and he went, oh my gosh, you're right.

He goes, how could I have done this differently? And I said, go to her and say, I've thought about something for a week. It's a big issue and I wanna resolve it with you, but I want you to have some time to really think about what you want us to do as well. What should we do about Johnny in college? 

Kandidly Kristin:Okay, 

Dr. Heather Browne:So prepare the person you're speaking with to try to have a good outcome. You must know where you're trying to go. You don't get in the car and just drive and think you're gonna end up where you wanna go. You know the destination, you know the directions. We don't do the same thing with conversations. What I'd love to tell people is it's kinda like if you went to a buffet, you're gonna say, a little bit of sweet potato, I want a little bit of that chicken. Ooh... that potato looks yummy. You just don't put your plate out and swipe across the buffet table and Land Point. That's how I think we converse with each other. A lot of people kinda feel repulsed by a lot of our conversations. 

Kandidly Kristin:Right.

Dr. Heather Browne:We don't make them appetizing for the other. And what a shame, because I think conversation can be a love letter if you embrace it that way. 

Kandidly Kristin:Absolutely. Absolutely. I love that so much. So talk to me about what you do in your practice with the people that come through your door that are number one, who are they that come to you for help? And give me a couple of tips and tools that you use in your practice without, you know, giving away trade secrets.

Dr. Heather Browne:Yeah. I've been doing it for 27 years, so I have like 5 billion trade secrets, so I have no shortage there. I think I have three main populations that come through, but I've done this for 27 years, so it changes a lot, but the people I work with the most are couples who are struggling with their connection, with their communication, with honoring the other, with arguing and with intimacy. so that is one population. So if we start with them, what I talk about is what is communication. What are the big questions before you have a conversation? And the ones that I always say, you know, is what is the outcome that you're wanting to have? Is this a good time for the other person? Are you open to hearing what they're going to say? Which ends a lot of communications before they start. And is this gonna benefit your relationship or the other? 

Kandidly Kristin:Okay. 

Dr. Heather Browne:If it doesn't fit those four, it's not time for the conversation. I'm not saying it's not a conversation you're gonna have later, but you need to find a way to bring it up where it can be a benefit instead of an attack, instead of a judge instead of a lecture. So that's one big one. The second one is I tell couples if they're wanting to grow closer every single day, say "What could I say or what could I do to show you right now that I'm really loving you"?

Kandidly Kristin:Okay? 

Dr. Heather Browne:Every day, every single day. And then third, what I love to do, which ties in with love languages, is have each person write down 10 things that they would like the other person to do. Not all in one area, like not a physical model gift, not all words of affirmation. And then say, do one a day. And as you do it, I want you to share it with your partner. I'm doing this because I want you to feel loved. And then to receive it in that way. 

The second group I work with a lot is grief and loss. And it's cuz my mom killed herself. It's because I had a miscarriage. It's because I'm a widow and because, you know, everyone dies and so we all deal with grief and loss. And so that scenario, speciality, the things I would tell them are, you've gotta grieve in your way and no one knows how to grieve in the way that you need to grieve but you and honor that. 

Kandidly Kristin:Yeah. 

Dr. Heather Browne:Second, go ahead and just say yes when people wanna do stuff for you. just say yes. Like you're not gonna do it yourself. You're not gonna mow the lawn, you're not gonna wash the laundry, you're just not gonna do it. So just say yes cuz people are trying to help. And then third, and this is a really important one. know that anybody who's offering any information, any suggestion, they are trying to help.

Yeah, they just don't know. And for some reason, when it comes to death and loss, people have very bizarre ways of expressing it to others and, it can feel incredibly disrespectful. You know, like, don't worry, you know, it's okay. You have other children, you just lost your child, you know, and then they're not meaning it that way.

So just as much as you can hold onto the fact they're trying to love you, but they a hundred per cent don't know how. And then release it as much as you can. Then the third caveat I have is much more so coaching. 

Kandidly Kristin:Okay. 

Dr. Heather Browne:And that's people who are on the spiritual path to connecting to themselves connecting to God, connecting to their source.

I rev high there and I'm full of joy and light, and so people tend to be attracted to my energy and so they wanna work with me to figure out how, like, how do I get myself in that flow. And so that's a place where I coach people quite a bit and I love that. . And so I have a little coaching program that I go through with that, and a lot of it is just really looking at what are your daily practices? How are you showing up for yourself? What is your mind frame and are you allowing yourself space and time to connect to your center? Most of us, our lives are so busy. Yeah. You, don't leave that place for meditation or prayer or journaling or walking. And we need all of those.

Kandidly Kristin:We need to do that. So, Dr Heather, how important are one's self-talk, self-communication and connection? How important is that to how you show up in your communications with others? 

Dr. Heather Browne:Vital. Because that is going to affect everything because it's what's going on in my head. So if I think, oh, you're not gonna like me on this podcast. Now all of my conversations are going to be coming out of fear. And discouragement and trying to impress you. That's gonna completely change who I am. And then when you say something, I'm probably not gonna know how to take it. There was a study that was done that was fascinating and it was on communication. Now that everything is pretty much virtual. When employers say through a text or an email to their employees, great job. 60% of them think it's sarcastic. 

Kandidly Kristin:Really? 

Dr. Heather Browne:Yes. We're not even believing when someone is complimenting us that it's a compliment. And I went, oh, dear God. I would say, yay.

Kandidly Kristin:Right, right. But save it in everything. 

Dr. Heather Browne:But that's because my self-talk is pretty clean. I trust people for the most part on what they say. And I wanna take in compliments. One thing I find baffling and I know I've walked through this too, so I have to kind of say, well, you did too Heather, so you're just at a different place right now.

But how hard it is for us to be good to ourselves. And how we struggle with loving ourselves, I think isn't that bizarre. Why is it so hard to be nice to yourself, but it's so easy to be mean to yourself? It makes no sense, other than we've decided to believe that. Right? And so when I decided, no, it's like a light bulb. I can be nice or I can be mean. Which do you want? Which feels better for you? Well, it feels better to be nice to me. All right. It's a choice and it's a choice we continually make and the more you keep doing it, the better your self-talk becomes. But yeah, it affects everything cuz that's how I'm viewing the world, that's how I'm viewing my experience of the world. 

Kandidly Kristin:Yeah, 

Dr. Heather Browne:it's the most important. Your self-talk, your self-belief, your centeredness, or your lack of centeredness is the most important because from that comes everything that you think, feel, do and create. And we think if I can change you, then our relationship is great. And that's what we focus on. If you don't do this, I hate it when you do this. Stop doing this. I wish you would do this, but it still doesn't get down to the core, which is whether I have to accept you or not. It's up to me to decide that. 

Kandidly Kristin:Right. Now the hard stuff, when, when you know that there's a hard conversation to be had, how to do you, and not necessarily in a relationship, maybe at a job or with someone in your family, the hard communications, how do we do them in a way that honors the topic, the other person and ourselves, and doesn't come across as ugly, and it doesn't devolve into an attack. Some things are easier to talk about than others, period. 

Dr. Heather Browne:Absolutely. 

Kandidly Kristin:The hard stuff. 

Dr. Heather Browne:Well, and part of it goes back to what I said for a conversation. Make certain that you have an agreement on what outcome you're wanting to have. Make certain that you are open to the other person and what their experience is; make certain that there's a way to try to benefit what needs to go on and then make certain it is the right time and the other person is prepared. And then sometimes you just do have to have those hard conversations. And it would be important once again to start with connection. You are a really valuable employee to us and we have been so pleased with this and this and this that you do.

 I do need to share, we continually keep having this problem in this one area and we're at the place where we've gotta get this resolved or we're not gonna be able to continue, and we don't want to let you go. But we've come up with a lot of suggestions and you haven't followed through on those. So we're wondering, is this something you're not wanting to change? And in that case, we probably need to finalize our employment here, because this is not the position that you want is there a way we can do this differently so we can see, if can we continue beyond this stage? We would like to if that's something that you are committed to as well. That would be hard for the person to feel attacked or accused. It respects the person for who they are. It does call 'em on the challenge that there is. But it also leaves some conversation about where you're gonna go. If you start with, you are important to me, this conversation is important to me; we want to have a great outcome here. Or even if it's a termination, we do want to have, if you would like future conversations or give recommendations for you because there's been so much of what you have done that has been beneficial. There is always that room for graciousness, and kindness for the other person. 

Kandidly Kristin:Yes. Yes. 

Dr. Heather Browne:But then how they take it like that's up to them. And no matter how much we try to be kind, sweet, and gentle. It's up to the other person to decide. And it doesn't necessarily mean it's you. I had someone recently just go ballistic off of me saying, I hope you're doing well. Maybe it would be good for you to go to the beach, which happened to be a place where they found their centeredness and they thought I was being shallow and uncaring and unloving and went ballistic. Now it's not somebody who's actively in my life and gratefully so. But I was florid. I thought, wow. Like, I thought I was being helpful. But that person didn't want to see it that way. So that was the reality of the conversation. It certainly wasn't my intention. 

Kandidly Kristin:Right. And there's nothing that the person that is communicating with that person can do about it, like, we can't try to be responsible for everybody's reaction.

Dr. Heather Browne:No, not at all. And I just said, gosh, I'm sorry you chose to view it that way. That's never been my intention. And that person was of course, still that energetic. And so they just started attacking and saying, I don't need this in my life. And I just said that's fine. Let's not go further. It wasn't someone I had talked to in about four years. So, you know, it wasn't a significant person, but it was bizarre and that does happen sometimes. And I think Covid, one of the repercussions is that people became so hostile in a lot of their conversations that I know a lot of people ended friendships.

Kandidly Kristin:Yeah. 

Dr. Heather Browne:In Covid because of beliefs or misunderstandings or attacks and accusations. I think it's opened up for us to look at how we are and who we are and a little bit about how the world sees us too. Which is important to have a little bit of an awareness of. 

Kandidly Kristin:Yeah. When I started this podcast, it was at the top of 2021. My episode was called 2020. What the fuck?. We talked about Covid and it helped some relationships, you know, people were together a lot more. You didn't have anywhere to go. You were there, you didn't have eight hours out of the house anymore. So now people had to take really hard looks at their relationships and how they communicated in them, and it either reaffirmed it or destroyed it.

So a lot of relationships ended when people had to be and sit in a space with somebody that typically was gone 10 hours a day, so they didn't have to. 

Dr. Heather Browne:It was hard for a lot of people and one thing that's beautiful in relationships is entrances and exits. Oh, I hope you have a great day. I'm gonna miss you. I can't wait till you come home. And we didn't have that in Covid. It was, you know, 24 7. You know, like, you're bugging me the way you are around.

Kandidly Kristin:Like, God, I didn't realize you breathed like that. Geez. Yeah, it was great for some, it was not so much for others, but if you could just share with me and my listeners. How we humans as a collective can begin this path forward to connecting and communicating, more compassionately, more effectively? How can we do that? Baby steps? 

Dr. Heather Browne:Well, the first one is like the baby step. It's a really important one. So Covid showed us that something can touch every single person on the entire planet. That hit me profoundly. And I thought, okay, so if a virus can do that, whatever you wanna think of the virus, why can't love, why can't something else? So my viewpoint is every day in as much as I possibly can remember to or choose to, I try to send out love in my relationships, in my conversations, and in the way I'm looking at the world. My focus is on how can I share the love. How can I share light? How can I leave something a little bit more beautiful to this world? if it's so wanted. But the place that for me, that gives me the freedom is I have let go as much as I know how of the outcome. I'm here to share and if you want it, great. If you don't, okay. If you think I'm an eerie fairy, that's okay too. I'm just not for you. And that's okay. So, it allows me to stay true to who I am and be mindful of those who like it and also respect those who don't. 

But if my viewpoint is I can share love, I can bring love, that changes my whole reason for being here, and people ask me a lot, how do you love yourself? And as soon as I say that, my head goes to Hmm, but I need to lose seven pounds, my thighs are a little smooshy and you know, I need to get a haircut and I didn't make my bed this morning. And I go to all the places where I don't love myself. If you let yourself really take in what love is and then say, I'm just gonna let myself stay in that experience of feeling love, sharing love, being of love, offering love, channelling love, exploring love, then you and everybody else are just a part of that, and that's helpful.

Kandidly Kristin:If you could give me your last thoughts for the listeners on communicating more authentically, compassionately, and with more connection, what would your last thoughts that you'd like to leave them with be? 

Dr. Heather Browne:You got it. To me, it comes down to, How you wanna present yourself in the world? How do you want to experience yourself? So to me, your purpose, your intention, and your desire for others are largely felt... most conversations that we have where we are caring for the other and caring with the other, they can experience that. And I know for me, if, if I'm going to have a difficult conversation, one of the things I'll say right before is I just really want you to know I love you.

Kandidly Kristin:Right? 

Dr. Heather Browne:And then the person looks at you and they're like, oh. I'm like, yeah, we'll figure this out, but I love you. 

Kandidly Kristin:Right, right. 

Dr. Heather Browne:And then the conversation isn't that hard. So, To yourself as much as you can allow yourself to receive who you are and how you are right now, that doesn't mean there aren't things to change. Of course, there are, but you can't be any other than you are right now. So when you give yourself that power to say like, this is the best I am right now. Okay, what can I do to keep working on this? But I'm gonna try to take care of myself today. I'm gonna try to take care of my conversations today, I'm gonna try to take care of my relationships today. Then today becomes a much better day. And it gets it out of that good, bad, right, wrong mentality. There is no right and wrong other than how we perceive it to be. So, if we let ourselves be open how can we grow? How can I change, what can I learn? What can this experience be? How can I learn from you? Then conversations change quite a bit. 

People in our lives are the best teachers that we could have, they point out where we're great and they point out where they don't think we're great, and that's information for us to take in and work on, and hopefully learn to show up and be even better than we've been, be because of their suggestions. 

Kandidly Kristin:I love it. And conversations should be a win-win. Even if it's a hard one. Like it shouldn't be a... I'm just talking to you to get you to be in my reality, but more for understanding, for more connection. 

Dr. Heather Browne:Right. Because otherwise, it's a connection. It's not a conversation. Otherwise, it's a debate, or it's an argument or it's a lecture or it's a fight. It's not a conversation. So if you're gonna be conversing, that means I share, you share; I think you think 

Kandidly Kristin:right. 

Dr. Heather Browne:You know, both people are important. Both beliefs are important. Both people's feelings are important. We don't do that very often and that's unfortunate because We could be so much better together. If we were to honour the other person and also respect the fact that just because we're ready to talk about something, somebody else might not be.

Kandidly Kristin:Yes. 

Dr. Heather Browne:And, to know okay if you need some time, I want this to go well. So let's take a break. Come back when you feel ready. I want you to know that I'm gonna be as safe as I possibly can for you. And you'd be safe for you. If you're not feeling ready, let's wait. There's, there's so much you can do with pacing. 

Kandidly Kristin:Yes. Yes. And that has to be resolved by the end of the conversation. And a lot of times it's not. 

Dr. Heather Browne:It's worse because now I've pushed you, I've forced you, I've made you decide. I used to say to my kids, if you give me half an hour, I will know what I think. If you want me to decide right now, it's going to be no because I'm not sure yet. And my kids are super smart and they're like, give her a half hour. 95% and my daughter got so cute with me. She's like, mom, take as long as you want cuz I know you're gonna come to a yes. 

Kandidly Kristin:Right. 

Dr. Heather Browne:But she was right. I just needed the time, especially cuz I'm a widow. I needed the time to process. Like, how, as, as a parent am I feeling about this? I didn't have anyone to bounce it off and so I needed that time and so I gave myself that time. I don't feel rushed to answer if I'm not ready. And I just say, I don't know yet. And I'll know soon. So I'm gonna take that time to honor that. And if someone says it to me, I might not like the fact that they're not ready. But I realize there's something that they don't yet know. There's something that they haven't yet realized that is important to them or they would have a yes or they would have a no. 

Kandidly Kristin:Right. 

Dr. Heather Browne:And so whatever that is, that's going to be important later on too. So I might as well have that part of the conversation when they're ready. 

Kandidly Kristin:That's right. And you, lessen the chance for regret when you take that time. Well, thank you, Dr Heather. 

Dr. Heather Browne:You're so welcome. 

Kandidly Kristin:This has been an amazing conversation, but it's not done yet. Now that is the formal part of the conversation. Now we get to the fun stuff. So it is time for 10 kandid questions.

Now, this is just a fun thing to wrap up our chat. And I'm going to ask you 10 super duper random questions. And the only rule is they have to answer them candidly. 

Dr. Heather Browne:Okay. 

Kandidly Kristin:You ready? 

Dr. Heather Browne:I am. 

Kandidly Kristin:All right. Dogs or cats?

Dr. Heather Browne:Oh, that's hard. I have both, but I think I've become more dogs. 

Kandidly Kristin:Mm, me too. What quote would you want to be put on your headstone?

Dr. Heather Browne:My favorite quote is, we are each of us angels, needing to embrace one another to have our flight. And so that would be that. But my favorite passage is to be still and know that I Am God. 

Kandidly Kristin:Okay. Yeah. It's one of my favorites too.

Dr. Heather Browne:Yeah. I love the breakdown of that. Be still and know that I am God. be still and know that I am. Be still and know, be still, be still, be, 

Kandidly Kristin:Oh yes! I love that so much. That's gonna be in the show notes. Coffee or tea? 

Dr. Heather Browne:Coffee. 

Kandidly Kristin:Okay. If you could be remembered for one thing, what would it be? 

Dr. Heather Browne:That I brought joy to the world.

Kandidly Kristin:That was easy. 

Dr. Heather Browne:Yeah. 

Kandidly Kristin:What's your favourite curse word? 

Dr. Heather Browne:Hmm. . I'm not much of a cusser, but every once in a while, like a fuck is a good word. . . 

Kandidly Kristin:And I love how you said it. That was just like, yeah, that was a good F word. 

Okay. What is the one thing you think is missing most in the world? 

Dr. Heather Browne:People realize that we are love and people realize that it's up to us to bring love.

Kandidly Kristin:Love it. Morning in person or night owl? 

Dr. Heather Browne:I can do both. 

Kandidly Kristin:Really? 

Dr. Heather Browne:Yeah, I can do both. And I wake up ready to go. I'm blessed. So I don't get jet lag. I mean, when I'm tired, I don't get jet lag. I can do both. 

Kandidly Kristin:I'm impressed and a little jealous. So if you could go back and give your 18-year-old self a single piece of advice, what would that be?

Dr. Heather Browne:Uh, 18 was a tough year. at 18 I was disowned in New York on my own. 

Kandidly Kristin:Oh my. 

Dr. Heather Browne:Um, that I am ... I'm getting emotional. That I'm unbelievably proud of you. Unbelievably proud of you and just keep going cuz you're gonna make it. You're gonna make it cuz you try so hard. 

Kandidly Kristin:Yes. Yeah. And look at you now. All right. What is one question that you wish I had asked you during our chat and how would you have answered it? 

Dr. Heather Browne:Hmm. I don't think that I have a wish, but when you pop that into my head, my thought would be, how could I best serve you and your listeners? Like is there one thing that they're needing or that they're wanting?

Kandidly Kristin:Okay. And the 10th and final question, which is the same all the time. How can my listeners connect with you? 

Dr. Heather Browne:That's an easy one. that one I know the answer right away. So my website is https://www.drheatherbrowne.com/ if you go there, it's got all my social media links, so it's got my TikTok and my YouTubes blog. There's a freebie on self-love there, so anybody who would like you can get a really lovely, lovely, piece of literature that I've written on self-love and self-care. I've got a newsletter, of course, I offer monthly workshops and all the information for working with me, either in coaching or in therapy is on there as well.

So I'd love to have you come or if there are questions that you have, you can reach me. All my information is on my website, so you can reach me. I'd be happy to answer any questions that you have. 

Kandidly Kristin:Perfect. Uh, thank you so much Dr Heather for this amazing conversation. , I love, love, love the connection is the number one most important thing over communication before communication can happen. I love that a lot. 

Dr. Heather Browne:I'm so glad. 

Kandidly Kristin:Guys, Dr Heather's contact info, and some key takeaways are gonna be in the show notes as always. Dr Heather, thank you so much for giving me a part of your day. I appreciate you so much and I know my listeners are gonna get a lot of value out of our little chat.

Dr. Heather Browne:I'm so glad. Thank you for having me. It's just an honor to be considered someone that could bring in an offer, something for you and your listeners, so I appreciate that. Thank you. 

Kandidly Kristin:Yes. Yes, you did. Guys again, Dr Heather's info is gonna be in the show notes when the episode airs. And don't forget to visit my website at www.thekandidshop.com. Check out some episodes, and subscribe. Share the show please and make sure you're following me on Facebook and IG at The Kandid Shop Podcast. So until next time, everybody out there listening, I want you to keep it safe, keep it healthy, and keep it Kandid.

Dr Heather Browne, PsyD, LMFTProfile Photo

Dr Heather Browne, PsyD, LMFT

Psychotherapist and Coach

Dr. Heather Browne PsyD, LMFT helps people recognize the power of communication.  It is one of our most important skills that we have, and yet we don’t consider our understanding, approach, belief, and therefore, miss our possibilities.  Living with a paranoid schizophrenic mother gave Dr. Heather a unique and powerful awareness that no one has the same reality, though we believe we do.  Utilizing this revolutionary awareness has allowed her to transform communication within self and within all other types of relationship.  This is the hidden key to acceptance.  And this is her mission to share.